Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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