You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
