I CAN MOONWALK!
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
