Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
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Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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