Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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