I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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