All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
