It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
