Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
