Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
