it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
