Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
