weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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