So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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