she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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