So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
