im having a threesome with these popsicles
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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