No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
