You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
