i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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