It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
