went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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