Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
