Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I need a beard to bite.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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