I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
