Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
