Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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