I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
