i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
