last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
