I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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