Apparently you make a good broom.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
