Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
