final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
