He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
