end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
