He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
