Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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