my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase