I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.