Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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