i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
