The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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