i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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