Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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