Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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