im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
