I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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