Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
