you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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