so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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