I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
