nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
