In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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