Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
