you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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