I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I lost the right to judge tonight
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
