I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
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