i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
