It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
