my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
