Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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