I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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