she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
