Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
