Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
