Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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