you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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