bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
