I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
