Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Just puked most of my soul out..
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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