Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
My vagina is officially offended.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
