I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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