Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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