I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
